How to Regroup When Comparison Steals Your Joy: Write a Story with a Recovering English Teacher
Comparison is the Thief of Joy
Have you heard the expression “Comparison is the thief of joy?” It’s one hundred percent true. I’m writing this blog as a love letter to myself as much as you. Comparing yourself to other writers will steal your joy. Let’s talk about why we do this, the pitfalls of doing this, and how we can redirect ourselves when this happens.
Why We Compare Ourselves
Most of us write stories because we fell in love with a book, a movie, a character, or an imaginary world that captivated our hearts and imaginations. It was probably more than one story. I could make a list. At some point, we thought, “Could I do that? Could I write a story that engages people the way [story title] did for me?”
It’s a big leap to go from an avid reader/story devourer to a hopeful writer. It an exciting leap, but yhe thought, “Could I write a book like that?” comes with a comparison embedded inside it. “Like that” implies that from the start your writing will be compared to another writer’s work.
To be clear, there is nothing wrong with noting that another writer is good at a certain skill and working toward improving your own skills. That’s a healthy drive for improvement. The problem comes when comparing yourself to others leaves you feeling defeated. The earlier we are in our writing journey and even in the writing of a specific story, the more easily unhealthy comparison can derail our efforts.
Three Pitfalls of Comparison
The books that we read—whether modern titles you discovered on TikTok or classics you read in school—are the result of years of practice and work. (I’m talking to myself here. I need to remind myself of this all of the time.)
You’re probably comparing yourself to writers who are farther along their creative writing journey than you are. You wouldn’t tell a middle school football player that they should be as good as a professional player in the NFL. That’s ridiculous. It’s hard for adults to be new at something, and although you’re not the age of a middle schooler, you might be a ‘middle schooler’ on your creative writing journey. Comparing yourself to a New York Times Bestseller and falling into the depths of despair because you’re not a bestseller yet is how comparison can steal your joy.
You notice other writers' skills but ignore your own. They’re good at something, but you’re good at something else. Some writers are really good at plot twists. Some are great at character development. You might excel at world-building. It’s natural to notice that a writer is good at something and wish that you were good at that thing too. It’s natural to work on that skill and get better. It’s detrimental to see their strength, ignore your won, and despair because “You’ll never be that good.”
You don’t value your own voice and experiences. You think that no one is interested in what you have to say, whether it's your own memoir or a story about imaginary places. You think that someone else has already written it, or someone else can write it better. But no one else has your unique thoughts, voice, and experiences. No one else can shape a story exactly the same as you. Give yourself credit. You have valuable thoughts and words to share.
What to Do When You Notice You’re Stuck in a Comparison Mindset
Acknowledge the Comparison: Simply recognizing that you’re comparing yourself to others can give you an element of power over it.
Consider What You’re Comparing: Identify whether it’s a skill you admire or an external achievement like a book deal. Focus on improving the skills you can control and let go of aspects beyond your control like a book deal.
Make a Note of Your Accomplishments: Celebrate the milestones in your writing journey, no matter how small. Have you established a regular writing routine? Have you written a complete story? Did you send a query letter? Acknowledge these achievements to remind yourself of your progress and your own journey.
Practical Tips to Stay Out of the Comparison Trap
Limit Social Media Exposure:
Curate your feed to include accounts that inspire and uplift you.
Set boundaries on your social media usage to avoid unnecessary comparisons—time limits, time of day, and purpose of your usage.
Join Supportive Writing Communities:
Engage with writing groups where members support each other.
Share your milestones and celebrate others' successes to foster a positive environment.
Set Personal Goals:
Focus on your own specific, achievable goals.
Celebrate small wins along the way to keep you motivated and centered on your journey.
Be kind to yourself and remember that writing is a journey.
Read for Inspiration, Not Comparison:
Read books to learn and gain inspiration, not to compare.
Enjoy the process of writing and storytelling
Remember, you deserve the joy of writing. Don’t let comparison steal your joy. Embrace your unique voice, celebrate your progress, and take pride in your creative journey. The world needs your stories, told in only the way you can tell them.
If you're ready to take the next step in your creative writing journey, check out Unlock Your Creativity and Tell Amazing Stories. I helped develop this creative writing course. It is designed to help you tap into your creative potential and craft engaging, memorable stories. Don't miss this opportunity to invest in yourself and your writing.
